Giving Into Your Refrain And Melody
by lieswa-carrolls
Summary: He finally turned to see the person in his bed, that mop of light curls he was so familiar with. That face he had fallen in love with long ago, a love that had been suppressed and hidden so deep in himself that it seemed only alcohol could bring it out.


**A/N:** I try to stay away from writing but no one writes novigan so I spend way too much of my spare time writing horrible novigan drabbles. But I hope you enjoy it anyway. This fic is set around three years in the future.

And I don't own Degrassi or anything like that.

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Pain. That was all he could feel. Everywhere. As if there was a force pushing through his skin, causing everything to ache. So much pain coming from so many different places he had no idea which ache was the worst. There was the pounding headache that he had, most likely caused by the amount of alcohol he had consumed the night before. A headache that was becoming increasingly worse with more light poring in through the blinds. Blinds he recognized as his own, at least he had gotten home, he thought as he opened his eyes a little more. Closing them almost immediately when the headache got worse.

With a sharp movement he realized that there was indeed a worse pain that the one in his head. His whole body, his back, hips, ass, all had this horrible burning pain. Every inch of his body felt as if it was on fire, as if he had just been engulfed in flames and he would soon burn away to nothing but ashes. It never eased completely but he realized that if he stayed still it wasn't as bad as when he tossed and turned. He couldn't stay still though, he needed to get up, needed to at least get some kind of painkiller.

Making an attempted to get off the bed was soon aborted when a shooting pain raced from his thighs up his back causing him to move back into his previous position. He regretted moving at all because now not only was he aware of this pain but he was also very aware that he wasn't alone in his bed. He didn't want to open his eyes, he didn't want to confirm what he already knew but he knew he couldn't hide forever, especially now that every movement he made caused him cry out a little.

Last night was still a blur, he remembered small parts of it, how angry he had felt, how useless, unwanted. The yelling, the storming out, the crying.

_"Come on, dancing will be fun. We need to get you out of your own head". _

And that was exactly what he did, he danced, loosened up, had fun. He had fun for the first time in a very long time. The first drink was to calm him down enough to get out on the dance floor without feeling too embarrassed. Not that when it came to him he ever needed much persuading, he had always had this way of getting him to do these silly little things he wouldn't have done for anyone else. And with the more fun they were having the more shots they took, and the more tipsy they became. Until the forth shot and then it went far beyond tipsy, he was drunk. _Very drunk. _

After that forth shot everything became that much more blurry. He remembered a taxi, some slow poppy song playing on the radio, how beautiful his eyes looked. The way his lips curved as he laughed along with all the stupid things they had said and done. How soft they had felt when he had crashed his own on them, how wonderful it had been when they moved along with his without hesitation. He remembered interlaced fingers, the tangling of limbs, soft moans as bodies moved together, louder moans as they came together one final time. That was when everything went black and what felt like moments later he was woken by the sun seeping through those half closed blinds.

He finally turned to see the person in his bed, that mop of light curls he was so familiar with. That face he had fallen in love with long ago, a love that had been suppressed and hidden so deep in himself that it seemed only alcohol could bring it out. That was the ache that had hurt most of all, the one in his heart when he realized that he couldn't have done this on his own, he could never show him that he loved him until he wasn't entirely in control of his actions.

He had almost three years to tell him, to do anything about these feelings but he never did. He just dated girl after girl hoping it was maybe just a curiosity that he could let go. And with each look and smile and hug he pushed the feelings further and further away until he felt numb. As if he almost had no feelings at all, cared for no one, and that was exactly what his latest girl had told him last night. Before everything fell apart, before he let it all out. And now looking at the boy beside him he worried that he might never be able to do it again, never be able to tell him how he really feels, let him know that this was so much more than just drunken sex. That he actually did in fact love him, more than anything, more than anyone.

But when he saw that smile, the one from the last night in the taxi, a smile that he had witnessed so many times before yet never really understood until that night, a smile that was pure happiness and content. A smile that was just for him. He got that small push he had needed before, a smile mirroring the other spread across his face, followed by a whispered "Hey."

The "hello Zig" that was returned made him think that maybe, just maybe he hadn't been the only one harboring feelings all these years.

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**_It would be so awesome if you reviewed and tell me if I should post all of the other drabbles that I have._**


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